Beware the claw

At the ripe old age of 39, I have hair growing from my ears, the hair that should be on my head long since departed. If the weather is too warm I am stricken with hay fever. Too cold and my joints ache.

Now, to cheer myself up no end I have arthritis in my wrist. My good wrist too, the one I use to point at things or chop onions.

The weather has changed too. This is not to be unexpected in England but once again the fact that it is raining makes front page news for some of the major newspapers in this country.

Given that the past week has seen the jubilee celebration take up all the available news space in the UK, it would appear that nothing else has happened in the world. The British subjects were subjected (get it?) to a 4 hour televised bore-fest of boats chugging their way up the Thames.  Then we had a ‘pop’ concert were aged songsters, attempted to show how good they were 30 years ago. This frankly did not work. Never mind the Queen, I was not amused.

Elton John seems to have developed late onset Downs Syndrome since he decided to wear his bizarre barnet. Cliff Richards has the aesthetic appeal of a zombie and as for ‘Sir’ Paul McCartney, I wish he would just ‘let it be’.

If anything, the jubilee reminded the world that Britain is quite a crap place. It’s not as bad as other countries, we don’t have earthquakes, dictatorships or pestilential plagues, but it’s just not very good at much. Other than spending lots of taxpayers money on ridiculous schemes.

My miserly world view coincides with the bout of arthritis and I can only therefore conclude that I am a cursed pariah.



About lordegburtnobacon
Greetings! I appreciate a fine Tweed and my hobbies include drinking heavily and acting. However I do not mix the two.

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