So long to all that

This time of year the Television schedules are fit to bursting with tedious review shows. These inane dribllefests are hosted by a vacuous panel of D-list celebrities who plough through a three hour show bereft of any humour.

The relentless head shots, repeats of footage you only saw last week and pithy comments tend to bring on feelings of self-harm after about 3 hours.

So, with that in mind, I thought I would do my own review of the year.

January:

The year started off really badly. I was started a poorly paid boring job, listening to corporate drones who used newspeak. However rather than hang myself I went for an audition and got the part of Dr Spivey in One Flew Over The Cuckoos nest.

Feb:

More tedium in my paid job. Child protection training was done on-line, which was ironic I suppose. I had to suffer the horror of cartoon social workers blabbering away about things such as neglect and abuse. This made me want to go out and punch the nearest child in the face and steal his dinner money.

March:

March was actually not a bad month. I had a night out in a pretend casino and lost lots of pretend money and drank real tequila. Actually, that was probably the only highlight. So, really it was another shite month.

April:

Ah, this month I did Cuckoo’s nest. It went down a storm, but afterwards I felt like there was a huge hole in my life. With no new productions coming up, I had precious little hope of any form of relaxation to look forward to. I did a few days filming, which was something of a curates egg. I did not enjoy getting up at 4:30am. I did however appreciate a large cooked breakfast that was free of charge, lunch and afternoon snacks. Oh, I started this blog as my previous site (which was hosted by Blogger) died on me.

May:

My career reached yet another nadir. I don’t think there is a collective noun for the plural of nadir but maybe ‘a nuisance of nadir’ would be appropriate. I turned down a job, as frankly I have to admit to myself that I am far too judgemental of people’s behaviour at times. Sexual health promotion would not be the ideal job for me. I can’t be laissez-fair about this sort of thing. I am typically English, and I like being repressed. I spent my day job handing out ill-fitting shoes to people and trying to work on peoples inter-relatedness. Hmm. I’m a fine one to do that.

June:

I met my new and truly terrifying new dentist whom I thought was both evil and attractive at the same time..I’m such as sucker for that.  I had some shots done for a theatrical agent, erm….I think that was it. I’m sure something was going on somewhere else but I can’t recall.

July:

Audition month. I went for the 39 steps, which I didn’t get. I did however get my first part in a musical. I’ve never done a musical before. I must admit it was quite daunting at first, my character didn’t sing but I did sing in the chorus the songs ‘Oldest established’ , ‘Luck be a lady’ and ‘Sit down your rocking the boat’. Meeting this new company did me the world of good however and I’ve made some great friends there. It was also the holiday to Majorca which went very well, despite the appalling food, the family and I had a blast.

August:

Time for my post holiday psychosis. I decided to roll dice to make decisions for a few weeks. I re-started meditation, read books on Buddhism and the Tao. Spent my paid working hours doing absolutely nothing at all.

September:

I started to write my book ‘Kevin the third’. I did nothing else other than rehearse that month.  Not really my most memorable.

October:

Show time. Guys and Dolls was a blast as was the after-show party. I auditioned for Dick Whittington and got the part of Alderman Fitzwarren. Donned a moustache. Went to work in a team I had previously been fired from. I had job interviews but in the end I turned them down, my heart isn’t in mental health nursing.

November:

I spent a great deal of time rehearsing and reading about economics. Not at the same time of course, that would be dangerous.

December:

Lots more rehearsing for Panto. Of course we had Christmas which wasn’t particularly fun for myself and Lady Nobacon. I may post more about that once the festive season is over.

Hmm

What a boring year!

Interviews

I loathe interviews. I really don’t see how they help in recruiting people for jobs. Sure, if you are a complete slob or insane then that may come across but really, I find them somewhat degrading.

The thing is now however, I’m at the stage where I let interviewers know what I think of their questions.

Yesterday for example;

” What would you do to improve performance?”

My response was “well, that is a somewhat vague question, what do mean by performance, what do you measure ‘performance’ by? How would you know if you were performing or not?”

“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

“I don’t do 5 year plans. I’m suspicious of those that do to be honest. Chairman Mao and Stalin had 5 year plans”.

I think the underlying hostility from me can be simply pin pointed at the fact I really don’t want to work in mental health any more. The whole thing just bores me to tears. If somebody mentions working with violent people, my natural inclination is to say, well no thanks.

Indeed, I fully expect to be saying ‘No’ to any job offers coming up anyway. I know this goes against everything that is sensible, but for me, theatre has to come first.

Quick, quick, Slow

My life seems to be made of opposites at the moment. During my ‘work’ hours I’m as active as a Sloth who has given up on life.

Evenings however are full at present. Guys and Dolls starts next week. I can’t wait, costumes arrived last night (I’ll post a photo later). By my estimation I think my costume weighs 3 metric ton. I’ll have to figure out how to move my arms under the weight of the very fine but heavy jacket I don.

Panto rehearsals start in earnest too. My word, it is a saucy old thing too. One would hope that a lot of the jokes go over the head of the kids, however, this being Wigan one can never tell.

There may be a chance of another part coming soon too. So that would be 3 productions in the space of 3 months.

Still, I do find that its the thing I want to do with my life the most. So hey ho!

Anarchy in the theatre

Yesterday was something of a special day for Wigan theatre. It was a chance for the members of the society to spruce up the building, undertake odd jobs, clean up, polish the fixtures and generally make the place as lovely as possible for when the new season opens next week.

I spent 4 hours working in the back stage area, putting set boards away, tidying up floor space, sorting out the props cupboards etc etc.

It was tiring work and to be honest it felt like the best thing I’ve done for months!!

The thing about our theatre is that it is precisely that; Our theatre. The society owns the building, we fund the productions and props and we are all equal members. Of course there is a chair appointed but they can only hold the position for 2 years. It is in a sense a collective anarchy.

As a treat for our hard work we were given a pie (this is Wigan after all) and an egg custard. A strange mix no doubt and I suppose if one were to be harsh, then hardly fair reward. Especially given the fact that the chap serving them had the filthiest hands I’ve ever seen.

No sleep for the grumpy

I must be missing the stage. Actually I am missing the stage. When I’m not involved in a production then I have to face up the grim reality that my life isnt terribly fun at the moment.
I feel utterly fed up of my job, I really doubt if I can do this much longer. My heart is no longer in it. This makes being a mental health nurse difficult.
At least when involved in a production one can easily forget about the tedium of paid employment.
Christ…I need to cheer up.